October 2004 Archives

I noticed something wonderful about the hills this morning while driving the Sunol Grade. There was green. Not a lot. Just a hint. As if someone took just a bit on their brush and dabbed a bit here and there.

Mmmmm.... green hills. I miss them.

Well, the costume production is progressing. The dress is all cut out and marked. I didn't have time to start actually sewing last night though. I was tired and I knew I'd be more likely to make mistakes if I tried to rush and get it done last night. I still have lots of time - tonight and all day tomorrow. The pattern is straight-forward enough. It shouldn't take that long.

Today is the Marketing Services Halloween Pot-Luck party. So far it looks like I'm the only one in my department who dressed up. This isn't surprising though. I'm usually the only one that dresses up. Since I didn't get the maid costume done in time, I'm a wench today. The photo below is actually from the RenFest last year, but it will let you know what the costume looks like (yes, I made it). I don't have the hat this time though. My hair is now long enough so it's in two braids that are twisted together in the back.

So, it's 3 days before Halloween and I still don't have a costume. I have a pile of fabric that needs to be cut and sewn together and then I'll have a costume. Why don't I ever learn and start the costume planning and preperation earlier?

I have two Halloween parties to go to this year (can you believe it? TWO!), on Saturday and on Sunday. The party on Saturday will be showing the Rocky Horror Picture Show, so E and I had the bright idea that we'd go in costume. He as Riff and I as Magenta. Is that too cute or what?

I was able to pick up a pair of cheapie boots, a feather duster, and the make-up. I had some trouble finding a dress though. All the French maid costumes that I found were very short and off the shoulder. That's not what Magenta wears. So, yes, I'm being very anal, but I like my costumes to be authentic. So, I went to JoAnn's Fabrics tonight and I got a pattern and fabric for a dress, complete with white cuffs and collar, and a pattern for an apron.

Technically I have tomorrow night, and Friday night, and all day Sat to make the costume. Which should be enough time. Though it would be nice if I could get it done tomorrow night and then I can go as a regular maid on Friday to work (I'll Magenta-fy it for the parties). We'll see. I'm excited. I like making things.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Ugh.

I. Feel. Awful. I haven't been to WW since the end of Sept. My eating has gotten completely out of control. I gained back the little bit I had lost and then some (not a new story). I feel like such a tub of fat. I HATE feeling this way. I have no energy. I'm SO tired.

And I know that if I ate better and actually moved my butt once and awhile, I would feel much better. I haven't been drinking enough water, which certainly isn't helping. All I'm eating is carbs and sugar and fat. Why? Because it tastes good and is easy. It's much easier to sit on the couch and eat cookies out of the box for dinner than stand up and actually cook something.

I could come up with a million different excuses for why I've fallen off the wagon again. How it all started with Connect and how I had no control over what was served. And then Mags was here and we ate out a fair bit. And I've been busy at work and tired. And blah blah blah.

They're just excuses. I'm not eating well because I don't care enough right now to eat well. And the sweets just taste really good. Nevermind the heartburn and intestinal distress and bloating and ingestion when I stuff too much.

GAH! I just feel so gross. It's such a viscous cycle. I need to break out of it. I know I'll feel better if I do. And that's not even considering any poundage that might be lost. But I'm so tired. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to have to plan. I don't want cook. I want someone else to take care of me.

WAH! Welcome to my pity party. Did you bring any chocolate?

Slackers has been having some issues lately. Posting here has been a little strange as of late. I've been posting over at LiveJournal and tried to back-post some of the items here, with mixed results. Oh well. I don't have the energy right now to care more to clean it up. So sorry for the duplicates and the missing images and whatnot. You'll have to deal.

I had a great time diving in Monterey this past weekend. The second dive on Sat was the best. We dove at Lover's Point in Pacific Grove. The water was still and very clear (for Monterey). I did better with my buoyancy, but I'm far from having it controlled. We saw a harbor seal underwater, a huge anemone, and tons of fish of all sizes. We got to swim over and around huge boulders as well as through the kelp. We didn't get that deep - only 24 feet or so - but it was still fun.

Sunday the surf was much harder and the visibility wasn't very good. We had a hard time getting out and then a harder time dropping down. E didn't feel very well, so we decided to go back in. The surge was strong and we had a hard time making headway. We finally got to the beach and E was able to crawl out, but I got stuck. I just couldn't lift my shoulders to crawl. The weight of the tank and weight belt was too much. I just lied there, face down in the sand, sucking on my regulator for dear life. I didn't panic in the sense that I was afraid I couldn't breathe. I panicked because I didn't know how I was going to be able to get up. E ended up taking off my gear for me and then I was able to get up. After that we decided to call it a day. Even though it wasn't a good dive, I'm still glad we went and that I had that experience. I need to get stronger. I need to be more self-reliant.

I'm still very tired. And the brain is rather foggy. It's so hard to focus on anything. I just want to curl up, my down comforter all around me, and sleep and sleep and sleep and then sleep some more. Smudge is driving me crazy - he insists on dancing on my pillow in the wee hours of the morning. He's so fuckin' cute, but he keeps waking me up. I know I should lock him out of the bedroom, but then I know he and Freesia will cry at the door and scratch at it until they are let in. Which wouldn't be any better.

I had a lovely time in the city last night. I met a bunch of folks at an Irish pub and then we went out to a French resturant. It was Peter, Peter, Jesse, Rebecca, Molly, and Janice. This was the first time that I really had a chance to talk with Molly. She is SO UNBELIEVABLY COOL! I pretty much spent the whole dinner talking with Molly and Janice. All I can say is "WOW." Thank you ladies for a wonderful evening. I had a great time. I really hope that we can see more of each other.

I'm still feeling the need to get myself focused. The house is a mess. There's cat hair and litter everywhere. I have piles all over the place. I think my bed itself is the only place that there isn't a pile. And maybe the bathtub. Though that needs a good scrubbing. This weekend there are Halloween parties on both Sat and Sun. But that leaves me the daylight hours to get stuff cleaned up. I just hope I can take it until then. It really is driving me nuts.

Today is my dad's 57th birthday. Or rather, it would have been if he had lived beyond age 42 years and 11 months.

I wonder what my father would look like if he were still alive. I bet his beard would be more white (his chin was going gray, but just his chin). The rest of his hair I'm sure would be salt and pepper. He'd probably have that monk-like hairline where it's just the ring of hair around the sides of his head. And he'd probably still be doing the comb-over. I don't see him as having gained a lot of weight. He was always slender, like my grandfather.

I'm not sure what else to say. Except that I really miss my dad.

E and I are getting ready for our dive trip this coming weekend. I'm going over to Captain Aqua's on Wednesday to get fitted for my gear. E went through his stuff yesterday and bought some things he needed (like a new tank, more ankle weights).

Last night he came back over and we tried out his dry suit in the apartment pool. Or rather, he tried out the dry suit and I snorkled around him. 9 o'clock on a Sunday night, it had just stopped raining, and we go and hop in the pool. I should have been in my PJs getting ready to go to sleep. But no, I was swimming around the pool, looking for escape air bubbles from his BCD. And then rinsing out the gear.

Tee hee hee. I love it. It was so much fun. I'm really getting excited about the trip. It's going to be so much fun. I'm really nervous, in a good way. It's that, wait, you mean, I can just go? By myself? I don't have to have a grown-up with me? Which is so thrilling and so liberating and so.... wonderfully independent that I'm at a loss of words to describe it.

HEEEEEEEEE!!!

The Pillow Book

Last night, right before I went to bed I smelled something. Something that I hadn't smelled in a long time.

Rain.

I can't remember the last time it's rained. It rained all night and most of today. I love the rain. I miss the rain. It's been raining hard enough to get that pitter-patter sound as it hits the ground. I love that sound.

Even though it's been gray (and somewhat cold) today, it's not having a depressing effect upon me (like it often does). I gave platelets, ran some errands, and took a nap. Now it's raining again and I feel good. *contented sigh*

Last night E and I saw R.E.M. at the Greek Theater in Berkeley. I have to say that it was the most enjoyable time I've had at an R.E.M. show and I have now seen them three times.

They played lots of stuff from their new album. I downloaded the new album from iTunes yesterday and listened to it on the BART ride into the city (I felt so very cool wandering the streets of SF listening to my iPod. I'm SUCH a dork.). I wasn't overly impressed then, but I enjoyed the songs a lot more live. They also played a bunch of old stuff, which was very good. Especially since I really like the older stuff.

After the concert we decided that we'd be spontaneous and went to the midnight showing of Monty Python and the Holy Grail, after a quick trip to a bar for cider (me) and Guinness (E). It was fun to see the movie on the big screen. It's been awhile since I've watched it and I had forgotten about a number of scenes. It was a bit like seeing an old friend again as a forgotten scene would start.

I'm not sure if it was the cider or old age or what, but both of us fell asleep briefly during the movie. I remember seeing Tim the enchanter blowing things up. And I saw the rabbit bite a knight's head off. But I don't remember anything else until the lights came up. Oh well, it was still fun. It's been SO LONG since I've gone to a midnight showing of something.

So far this is turning into a really good weekend. I have a bunch of things that I should be doing. But it's really fun playing hooky and not doing them. I'm deciding to do things based upon their fun quotient, not their practicality.

BetaVote.com

In today's world, all nations are inextricably interconnected. The United States is the most powerful and influential nation in the world. Everyone everywhere will be affected by the upcoming U.S. presidential election.

What if the whole world could vote in this election?

Please choose a candidate and select your country, then click the VOTE button.

This is a really interesting site. Of course, very few people have voted yet, but it's interesting to see how few countries are leaning towards Bush (he has only 11% to Kerry's 88%). It would also be interesting to know why - are the users who are voting representative of their countries? Are only the outraged leftists finding this site?

I also find it interesting that Iraq and Afghanistan have Bush and Kerry statistically even. It will be fun to watch how the numbers change in the coming weeks. Both as the political climate continues to heat up and the site gains in popularity.

This past Wednesday was the 14th anniversary of my father's death. 14 years is a long time. It just sounds long. Especially when you consider that I was 16 when he passed away. In only 2 years he will have been gone as long as I knew him. I've been feeling the need to honor my father, but I'm not sure how. Posting about him may be a way.

My father was a computer programmer. He had a degree in mathematics, since computer science didn't really exist when he went to school. He worked for the CSC, Amex, Tandem, DEC, and Ingres. Oracle kept courting him to come and work for them, but he refused. Heh. Somehow that makes me feel good, considering all that is going on with PeopleSoft right now. Ingres named a conference room after him.

My father hated working with IBM computers. We never could afford a Mac, but I like to think that if he had lived, we would have gotten one some day. I often wonder what he would think of the state of computing now. I know he would have loved the internet. I can remember him sending email back in the early 80's.

My father was a tennis player. He was captain of the tennis team in college. He was involved with the local tennis club in Newtown. For awhile (I don't know if it's still true) they named their annual tournament after him. My father was one of those annoying men who never gained weight. He could skip breakfast and loose a couple of pounds. Of all the things I inherited from him (the Berlingo large big toe, my height, the dark color of my hair), why couldn't I have inherited that as well?

My father was a very kind man. When he worked in New York City, he always packed an extra sandwich or piece of fruit to give to the homeless. He volunteered at a woman's shelter in the City and used to spend a night a month down there. He helped to keep order over night. He always seemed to have time to talk with teenages in his church that needed someone to talk to. He used to stop and talk to the missionaries that he'd see on the subway. He was always willing to stop and talk.

My father knew how to juggle. He was a very good juggler. He could juggle many objects as well as clubs. I don't think he ever juggled fire, but he did "juggle" a chainsaw once for a church talent show. He, my brother, and another man tossed a chainsaw back and forth to each other.

My father also had a terrible sense of humor. He loved puns and word play. He told the worst jokes. He loved Brittish humor - I saw Monty Python and Faulty Towers when I was still in elementary school.

I miss my father. There's so much in my life that I wish I could show him and share with him and talk with him about. I know that he's been there for all the important times in my life, since I keep him in my heart. But it's still not the same as having him living and breathing next to me.

Ahhhhh..........

Slowly my house is coming back together. The 3rd load of laundry is washing. The dishes are cleaned and put away. The futon is ready to be folded up (I don't have the strength to fold it up myself). The bathroom is cleaned and the litterboxes returned to the cat bathroom. The trash was collected and taken out. The floors are swept. I still need to vacuum, but that's low on the list right now. I also need a shower. Luckily that is higher on the list than vacuuming.

It feels good to be home. Home in a (mostly) tidy home. It always amazes me how my mental space feels cleaner and more.... optimal when my physical space is also clean.

I've also started to dig out my fall and Halloween decorations. Which is always fun. I love Halloween. I'd really like a new costume this year, but I'm not sure that I have the time to make a new one. I don't really want to be a wench again this year (and I've been a Riley-Cat twice).

In other news, Freesia had a bit of an adventure last night. It seems that she knocked the screen off the window in the spare bedroom and went for a bit of a wander. She came and knocked on my bedroom window around 11 last night, but I thought she was the neighborhood Tom, who's markings are very similar to hers. I discovered the missing screen this morning and immediately went outside, calling for her. Luckily I found her in the parking lot. She sat by the tree outside my window and just waited for me to pick her up. Her paws are all gray and dirty now. But other than that she seems to be unhurt. Swine cat.

Tears of the Giraffe

Dragonfly in Amber

Wow. I feel like I've been running at a million miles per hour for weeks now. Luckily, things are about to slow down. Actually, they are about to come to a screeching halt.

Today is the last day that M is here. I pick her up in a couple of hours and she's going to do a presentation for the PS.com team on what it's like to be an IA at the BBC. Then we are having an early teatime at 3 (she's making scones for tea as I type). After tea we are off to the airport. I probably won't see her again until The Summit in March. It's been so good having her here. I've had so much fun. I really needed this. Thank you M! *hug*

Once M flies out, things will settle back down into a more normal rhythm. No more vacation time is planned (until Christmas); no more house guests; no more planning committee meetings. I'll have a chance to just sit at home. Which I'm actually looking forward to. Strange I know.

But I need to clean. I need to get organized. I've been so busy running around, having tons of fun, that I haven't been able to tidy things up. There are piles everywhere. Stacks of email to read and respond to. Stacks of snail mail to go through. I'm really feeling the need to sort through everything and figure out what is going on. Where it is I'm going next. I need to do this at work as well as at home. Cause I know there are things that I need to do. But the pile to sort through is so big, and so overwhelming, I feel immobilized. And I hate feeling that way. It's time to take back the driver's seat.

Oh boy..... my weight loss has completely stalled. I haven't been paying attention to what I've been eating at all. Having Mags staying with me has helped some. We've had a salad with dinner or grapes with breakie and whatnot.

I didn't go to WW last night, and I didn't go last week either. I was going to go last night, but I ended up leaving my booklet and pay-ahead coupons at home. I didn't feel like going home to get them and then going back out to the meeting. Especially since C and S were coming over for dinner. I think I'll go tomorrow morning. So it won't count as 2 weeks since I've gone. Last time I went I gained 2.2. Which was pretty good considering how I ate during Connect. (Oh, and I haven't updated the weight loss graph since I haven't worked out how to do screen captures on my Mac yet. It will be coming - I just haven't had a chance to play with it yet.)

I don't know. I'm having such a good time right now. I've feeling good about myself. My mood is up. But I also feel like there are all these back-burner things that it's time to get back to watching (healthy eating being one of them). Why does the whole work-life balance thing have to be so difficult?

Neat-o! I've had a photo added to the Mirror Project.

I don't even know where to begin. The past 5 days have been amazing.

First, the shopping. Mags and I went through my entire closet and threw out 2/3 of it. I have 7 full shopping bags of shirts, pants, sweaters, dresses, and skirts that don't suit me. And I haven't even weeded out my t-shirts yet. The rejects are either the wrong size, out dated, wrong color for me, or wrong style/cut for my body type. It feels SO good to have done this. I'm wearing one of my new outfits today - black pants and a sweater. Tomorrow I'm going to wear the black pants with my new red top. Who would have thought that clothes could be so fun?

This weekend was just amazing. We had the Future of Information Architecture Retreat at the Asilomar Conference Grounds in Pacific Grove. Photos of the event are collecting over at Flickr (the one below was taken by Jorge Arango). I really can't thank everyone enough. It was such a success, on so many levels. We had about 45 people attend. The conference grounds were wonderful. Totally set up the relaxing, retreaty, comfortable feel that I wanted the weekend to have. Except for too little regular coffee Saturday morning, all the logistics went off without a hitch. Woo!

I don't know that I learned that much about where the future of IA is headed. But I do know that I made some decisions about my career and where I am headed. I also know that I need to read more (I always feel that way after I hang out with a group of IAs). I learned that there is a lot of good work going on in many places in the world (though I knew that already). And there are a lot of folks that are geniuely concerned and want to see that this good work continues.

I also learned that by being an IA, I am part of an amazing group of individuals (Okay, I also knew that before, but the point was really hit home this weekend). This to me was the most important and the best part of the weekend. I belonged. I was part of the group. I was happy that each and every one of them was there, and they (seemed to be) happy that I was there too. It's a group of very talented, highly intelligent, kind, funny, fun-loving, and caring people. This weekend went a long way to improving the sense of community. I feel that these folks are not only my peers, but they are also my friends. We laughed. We had fun. We talked about important things and geeked out together. But also really enjoyed each other's company.

Oh, and Anders and I have already started talking about planning one for next year. So stay tuned.

Left to Right, Starting in the back row: Dennis, Gene, Frank, Victor, Scott
Middle row: Migel, Javier, Chris, Mags, Christina, Bill, Austin
First row: Anders, Jamie, Chiara, Jess

Mags arrived safe and sound from London, England yesterday. I took today off from work and the two of us have had the grandest time. We went shopping. We went girlie shopping. We shopped in a way that would have made Trinny and Susannah proud.

We tried on multiple styles of jeans and pants and shirts and sweaters and all kinds of stuff. I spent way too much money. But I have some clothes that actually fit me now. Imagine that. Clothes that work with my body type. In colors that go with my skin tone and hair.

The next step is to go through my closet and throw out the clothes that I've had in there forever that don't suit me. Because I'm not going to replace them if I can just keep on wearing them. And I'm sick and tired of using my weight as an excuse for not buying new clothes. Yes, I'm trying to get healthier. But it's going to take me a long time to get thin(ner). And I'm tired of looking frumpy until then. That's not the way to live in the moment. I need clothes that look good and flatter now.

Who knows... maybe if I dress like I care, I will actually care. And if I feel good about the way I dress, I'll start to feel good about the way I look and maybe, just maybe, I'll feel good about me then.