July 2005 Archives

Let's here it for my super-dooper BF and his hugely talented friends who are slowly repairing the damage that was done after one of the boxes that powers Slackers.net went boom. I've been without personal email since Saturday, and also unable to post here since then. Mail is still not back, but hopefully will be soon. If you need an answer from me, please use my work account.

There's lots for me to catch up on. I'm not quite sure where to begin.

First, I'll be spending tomorrow at the BlogHer Conference in Santa Clara. This started out as a little get together and has become huge. They have sold out and have a long wait list. Folks are coming from all over the world. It should be interesting. I've never been to a blog conference before, and I have a big feeling that I don't know what I'm getting myself into. Mostly I'm going to put faces with the names I know, and I also know a bunch of the folks who are making the whole thing happen/presenting.

Plus I'm hoping to meet her. But it appears that everyone wants to meet her, so I'm not sure I'll be able to manage. I also don't know what I would say other than the trite "ohmygodit'ssuchapleasuretomeetyouIloveyoursite" blather.

I finished reading The Blind Assassin and ohmygod it was so good. I don't care what Air Farce says (see # 2-03, Friday October 21, 1994), Margaret Atwood is a brilliant writer.

I've picked up a number of new books (I really need to stop doing that - I'm running out of shelf space), one of which is Voices from Chernobyl. It is... I don't even know how to describe it. It's so horrifying. Gut rentching, devistatingly horrible. I cannot imagine what it must have been like for those poor people. I mean, the whole book is interviews with them. So you get a feel for it. But... it's not the kind of thing you can ever express in words. You have to have experienced it. And God I hope no one ever has to go through that again.

My Ex and I used to have long arguments about nuclear power. He'd say that was the only way of the future, and Greenpeace should shut up, and we just need to build more reactors. He'd get so angry at the anti-nuclear movement.

I would sit there and say "what about Chernobyl?" What do you do when there is an accident? Until they figure out a way to deal with that waste, and to deal with the radiation, it's not an acceptable alternative. He'd say Chernobyl was a fluke. Nothing like that would happen again. It wouldn't happen here.

But, it doesn't have to happen here. And it only takes once to wipe so much out. Not for a month, not for a week. It's forever (or as good as). He needs to read this book. Everyone who supports nuclear power needs to read this book. Only once we have made sure (absolutely sure) that something like that can never, EVER happen again.

And soon, I'll be able to sound like Darth Vader when I say that, thanks to my new CPAP machine. Well, at least the heavy breathing part of it. I'll have to work on dropping my vioce a few octives.

Thanks right folks - I have sleep apnea! I get to sleep with a big mask strapped to my face with hoses connected to an air compressor. Apparently normal people who don't have sleep apnea wake up maybe 5 or so times a hour due to breathing issues. I wake up an average of 37.7 times. Egads. Just thinking about that makes me tired. This certainly explains why I'm so exhausted all the time.

So... I should hear from the durable medical equipment company within the next 2 weeks to go get fitted for my machine. I hope it helps. I'm really not looking forward to sleeping with something strapped to my head. I'm trying to ignore the flashbacks to Alien that I keep having.

Ten years ago: It was the summer between my junior and senior years of college. I was working at the CH Booth Library (still as a page) and working for Allen at Florist on the Green too. I don't remember if i was working for Loree's Kitchen still or not. Freesia was just born in April and had come home to me not too long ago. I was living at home and playing lots of Magic: The Gathering with my friend Jen.

Five years ago: I had just moved to Ann Arbor, MI a few months before to work at Argus Associates. Things were going really well. I was working on the Sqaure D project. We had a company softball team and we played in on the weekends. Our biggest claim to fame was that in one game we only lost by like 5 points.

One year ago: I was living on my own. I think I was finalizing all of the divorce paperwork. I just got Smudgie from the East Bay ASPCA - he was so tiny! I went to the movies by myself for the first time, ever.

Yesterday: Went to work. Came home. Didn't do much of anything but watch TV and read a bit. Felt good to snuggle with the kitties.

Today: Went to work. Got training on how to use Ethnio. Need to go grocery shopping tonight so I have milk and OJ for breakfast tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Going to the first appt for my sleep study follow-up. Get to go to Sunnyvale tomorrow night for Weight Watchers and get to see my sweetie.

And the next day: Work. Clean the house to get ready for the weekend.

This weekend: Try to rest (yeah right). Having folks over on Sat night for dinner and hanging out.

Five snacks I enjoy: Cookies, chocolate, granola bars, bananas, Laughing Cow cheese

Five bands that I know the lyrics of MOST of their songs: REM, U2, Lisa Cerbone, The Smiths, They Might Be Giants

Five things I would do with $100,000,000: Pay off all my debt and the debt of my family, buy a house, start a scholarship at my alma mater, travel (a lot), donate to causes I believe in

Five locations I'd like to run away to: Italy (anywhere there in), Lake District in England, Maui, British Virgin Islands, Assateague Island

Five things I like doing: Reading, being with my sweetie, playing with my cats, being successful, hiking

Five things I would never wear: Platform heels, mini-skirt, bikini, anything electric lime green, leather coat

Five TV shows I like: Northern Exposure, CSI, Law & Order, Friends (I hate to admit it), Monty Python's Flying Circus

Five movies: English Patient, Say Anything, Amalie, Silence of the Lambs, Pretty in Pink

Five famous people I'd like to meet: John Cusack, Barbara Kingsolver, Zora Neale Hurston, Georgia O'Keefe, Dooce (Heather Armstrong)

Five biggest joys at the moment: Curling up in bed after a long day, snuggling with my cats, snuggling with my sweetie, taking photographs, spending time outside

Five favorite toys: PowerBook, Canon D30, iPod, camping headlamp, my sparklies

Six Feet Under, Season 1, Disk 4

For July 16th

It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend... when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present - love, heath, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure - the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth. - Sarah Ban Breathnach

You know... sometimes it's just plain scary how much the quotes in this calendar match the issues I'm struggling with.

Why is that I wake up, easily, softly, comfortably at 7:30 in the morning on a Saturday? And during the week, when I need to be up and out of the house, waking up is painful, and hurts, and is hard, and I can barely drag myself out of bed at 8:30? I finally have a chance to sleep in and I can't do it. GAH!

I don't really have anything to post about. Mostly I'm just trying to move the big picture of Danger Mouse down the page. Because as much as I love DM (though in all honesty, Penfold is my secret love, not DM), everytime I see the frickin' picture the theme song starts playing in my head and it stays there for HOURS.

*sigh*

He's the greatest... He's terrific... Wherever there is danger he'll be there...

See? I told you it was the bestest present ever.

I can't believe my luck! I found my sweetie the bestest most wonderfulest birthday present EVER! I know he will just LOVE it. I can't wait to watch him open it. He's going to be SO HAPPY!

Thank god his birthday is tomorrow, because I don't think I can keep this a surprise any longer than that.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Somewhere along the way, I developed a social life. I'm not quite sure how it happened. I spent so very many years alone, at home, watching TV or reading a book (or eating), that alone became the norm. Even after I was married we spent a lot of time home alone - him playing video games and me watching TV, or reading, or eating.

But those days are past. I think they have been past for a while now, but I just didn't realized it. The idea of me having a busy social life just doesn't fit with the pre-conceived notions I had of who I am. I always thought if myself as the shy fat girl who didn't have many friends and spent her time alone. I'm discovering now that I need to hug that lonely girl, but let her go, as she is no longer who I am. I may not fully know who I am, but some notions are truly outdated.

This is a good thing. No, more than that. A blessed thing.

I am so lucky to have so many friends in my life, and so much love. I am continuely blown away by the amazing, talented, cool, insightful, caring, intellegent, and FUN people that I find myself surrounded by. I know that many of them have been there for a long time. But the shadow of The Dark Place of depression obscured them for so long I couldn't see them, and assumed they were no longer there. I thank my luckly stars that they didn't give up on me and are still here.

Here's a brief recap of my past 3 days:

Friday: Saw many dear friends who I haven't seen in months at a memorial service - very sad occasion, but so good to be with everyone again; helped two friends celebrate their new house by attending their inaugural slumber party.

Saturday: Met a wonderful new group of friends at a new chapter of my women's group; drove to Sacromento to party with a dear friend from high school and his friends.

Sunday: Spent the morning lounging and hanging out w/ said dear friend and some of his close friends; attended a housewarming/BBQ in Menlo Park; attended a birthday party and played games in Palo Alto.

Next weekend I'm going back up to Sacromento for dear friend's going away party (he's leaving soon to study in Amsterdam). I'm going to need a weekend to recover from my weekends. I am so okay with that.

This weekend I attacked the jungle that was growing outside my backdoor. I wish I had taken a photo of it all overgrown. It was mostly grasses, but also 4-foot tall weeds that had prickers. I discovered that there is actually a little patio out there. And at some point there was a sprinkler system (I found the sprinkler heads). And I even found a spade behind the torch ginger.

I kept the calla lilies, and another reddish flower, and some silvery ground-cover. Everything else got pulled out. My neighbor gave me a compost bin (she already has one), so I cleaned that out and put it against the fence. I can now walk out my door and toss kitchen scraps into the bin. Yay! Compost! I don't want the compost for fertilizing so much as I just want to reduce the amount of garbage I'm producing. Compost as recycling if you may.

On Sunday I went over to Target to get some odds and ends and discovered they had a garden center there. I'm sure there are better nurseries in the area, but I was there and the prices were cheap. In honor of my mom I got some shasta daisies and zinnas. Also some beogonias and little purple ground-cover that I can never remember the name of. Oh, and I also got catnip, basil, and cilantro. Smudge approves of the fresh catnip. He says it's double-plus-good.

Today I planted the new plants in the bed and the wine barrel planters. They had been sitting out for 2 days and were starting to look a little wilted. I got everything planted and watered the beds well. The shasta daisies aren't planted quite as well as they could be. The spade isn't very good and the ground is very hard, so they stick out a few more inches above the dirt line than they should. I know I should have turned the bed more, added some compost, and worked the dirt more. But, well, it was hot. And I was tired. And it's not my house afterall - I rent. I hope the plants take, because it will look a lot better, but if not, oh well. I'm not going to sink a lot of money and time into a garden that I'll only enjoy for a season or two.

I also trimmed back the bamboo that is growing at the front of the patio. There is a house number sign there that you could barely see from the road, the bamboo was so high. It looks a little silly now, but at least you can see the house number from the road. I don't think it looks quite as neglected now. Cutting off the spent blossoms and stalks from the plant by the front door completed the gardening for today.

It feels good to get out in the dirt, and the place does look so much better. My legs and arms are sufficently scratched and bruised. If I had remembered to take photos before it got dark I would have posted them. You'll just have to wait though - or come visit.

The Blind Assassin

The Fisher King

Manhunter

Pollock